By Toby Moore
For Capital Region Independent Media
Enemies. We all have them. Some people are your enemy, and you don’t even know it. They may have been motivated by jealousy or envy, or maybe they misinterpreted something you said to them once and felt slighted. Since then, they’ve been quietly undermining you at worst, and at best, they may just be waiting for their moment.
There are a million ways to make an enemy. Maybe you accidentally took someone’s favorite pen, and they’ve sworn a vendetta. Or perhaps you got the last slice of pizza at a party, not knowing it was earmarked for someone else, sparking a silent, saucy rivalry.
Let’s not forget the classic “reply all” email faux pas, where you accidentally shared your not-so-flattering opinion on the monthly birthday cake choices with the entire office. And I’m sure there are some listed elsewhere.
Nobody wants an enemy, do they? I don’t. Some say that if you don’t have any enemies, then you’re not doing it right.
Winston Churchill once said, “If you don’t have any enemies in life, then you haven’t stood up for anything.”
He’s probably talking about a different type of enemy than what I’m about to present.
While leafing through one of the most popular self-help books ever written, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” I came across one surefire way to NOT make an enemy.
Imagine you’re in a team meeting discussing the direction of the upcoming project. You believe that focusing on digital marketing will yield the best return on investment, arguing, “Considering our target demographic spends most of their time online, it’s evident that digital marketing is where we should be allocating the majority of our budget.”
Your coworker, however, believes traditional marketing methods like print and television ads will have a broader reach, countering, “Our brand’s strength has always been its appeal to a wide audience, and traditional media gives us that visibility.”
Your ego flares up at this moment, tempted to dismiss their perspective outright. You might feel inclined to assert, “That approach is outdated and inefficient. Wait until we see the results from focusing solely on traditional methods and missing out on the digital audience. Then we’ll see who’s right.”
Often, our ego comes up, and the ego always wants to be correct. This temptation to prove your point without fully considering their viewpoint can quickly turn a professional disagreement into a personal conflict.
Now, you may be right. Your reasoning may be sound. But you must also consider that other people almost always want to be correct. Whether you know it or not, you insulted their intelligence, and now they’re your enemy.
Enemy is a strong word, but whatever the case, they almost certainly see this as a challenge. Why wouldn’t they? You told them they’re not seeing the big picture. Now they have something to prove.
Now, you’ve got a situation on your hands because you were right and made them feel silly about it, and they’re now going to want their chance to make you seem foolish.
What’s a way to avoid this? Well, it’s straightforward. You can begin by saying, “Well, now, look, I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong. I frequently am, and if I’m wrong, I want to put it right. Let’s examine the facts.”
Nobody will object to you admitting that you could be wrong, and let’s examine the facts!
It’s a curious thing about us humans: we can change our minds in a heartbeat over the smallest things, no drama involved. But the moment someone tells us we’re wrong? That’s when the walls go up, and we stand our ground harder than ever.
Telling someone they’re wrong is a dead-end strategy, especially in a way that might make them feel less than brilliant. You could throw every fact and figure their way, and more often than not, they’ll stick to their guns, convinced of their rightness, even if it’s just in the privacy of their thoughts.
So, how do we navigate this tricky terrain? Dale Carnegie hit the nail on the head when he said, “Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, ‘You’re wrong.’”
It’s as simple as that.
Toby Moore is a columnist, the star of Emmy-nominated “A Separate Peace,” and the CEO of Cubestream Inc.
