By Toby Moore
For Capital Region Independent Media
Loss is a part of everyone’s life, as common as the air we breathe. It’s one of those things we all face – the deep sadness of saying goodbye.
It could be the final goodbye to a family member, a close friend or someone else we hold dear. We know these moments are coming, but that doesn’t make them any easier. They’re like uninvited guests who show up, reminding us how precious our time is with the people we care about.
As a poet once said, “Sometimes, only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated.”
Then there’s the kind of loss that sneaks up on us, the kind we don’t talk about much. It’s not about the unavoidable end of life but the relationships that drift apart because of what we do or don’t do.
In these moments, we might lose someone and part of ourselves. This is particularly true when we invest so much in our relationships that our identity diminishes. We can lose sight of who we are outside of these connections, and the loss of self can be as profound as the loss of the other.
Take, for instance, the time I lost a business partner. We clashed over a business decision that seemed unfairly balanced and not mutually beneficial to me. I tried to find a middle ground. I sought a compromise, hoping to preserve our partnership, but a compromise was outside his agenda. In the end, we had to part ways. Why did it happen? That’s something I might never fully understand.
I also recall a friend who suddenly stopped talking to me. We used to spend a lot of time together – sharing meals, attending church, and just enjoying each other’s company. Then, out of nowhere, he cut off all communication. I tried reaching out multiple times – calls, texts, emails – but got very little response. Four years passed before he started talking to me again. Even when I asked him about the reason for his long silence, he never gave me a straight answer.
I was deeply in love with a woman who didn’t share my feelings. Despite my persistent efforts over the years, her feelings didn’t change. I may never fully understand why it didn’t work out.
These experiences, though painful, remind us that not all losses seem preventable. In life, we’re often faced with situations that are beyond our control. But what about the losses we might prevent?
Consider your relationships, not just with your spouse but also with your friends – are you nurturing these bonds with the care and respect they deserve?
Often, we take our closest relationships for granted, not realizing the value of what we have until there’s a risk of losing it. The erosion of trust is a subtle yet profound form of loss, and it isn’t confined to romantic relationships alone. It creeps in when we neglect our partners’ and friends’ needs, feelings or expectations. Once trust is damaged, whether in a marriage or a friendship, rebuilding it can be a long and challenging road.
And what about your customers? When we lose a customer, it’s the loss of an opportunity to serve and to make a meaningful impact. Are you paying attention to their needs and expectations to contribute positively to their day or solve a problem they’re facing?
Winning back a customer after they’ve left can be significantly more challenging than maintaining that relationship.
So, what can we do in the face of potential loss? We can strive to be kind, communicate openly, and cherish our time with those around us. We can work on being understanding and patient. And when someone steps back into our lives, we can welcome them with open arms, knowing that relationships are sometimes mysterious and require understanding.
Loss, in its many forms, is an inevitable part of life. But each loss carries a lesson.
It’s been said that you learn more from loss than you do from gain.
Ultimately, it’s not just about preventing loss, it’s about embracing the learning and growing that comes from it. And that’s a positive take on one of life’s most challenging experiences.
Toby Moore is a columnist, the star of Emmy-nominated “A Separate Peace,” and the CEO of Cubestream Inc.
