Heat wave brings early dismissal for some schools

By Toby Moore

For Capital Region Independent Media

We’ve all been there. You’re just minding your business, maybe running errands or sipping coffee, when—BAM—someone snaps at you like you personally ruined their day. A rude cashier, a cranky co-worker, or a stranger in traffic acting like you committed a federal offense just by existing.

Bestselling author Robert Greene famously says, “What people do to you is not personal.”

Wait, hold on—what? People’s bad attitudes aren’t personal? It sure feels personal!

Greene breaks it down like this: When someone says something cruel or mean, they aren’t aiming it at you. They’re aiming it at people from their past who left emotional scars. You happen to be standing in the crossfire.

Lisa was working as a flight attendant when a man on her flight exploded over something trivial—his overhead bin space.

“This is unacceptable!” he yelled, his face turning red.

Lisa, who had simply asked him to place his bag in a different compartment, was caught off guard. She felt embarrassed, even attacked. But later, as the man calmed down, he apologized.

“I just got off a stressful business call,” he admitted. “And my divorce was finalized yesterday.”

Lisa then realized that the man’s outburst had nothing to do with her. So, she let it go.

I’m not excusing his behavior. Snapping at someone who’s just doing their job is rude and unnecessary. But the point here isn’t to justify it—it’s to recognize that it’s not about you. Understanding that doesn’t mean you have to tolerate disrespect, but it does mean you don’t have to internalize it. And that can be incredibly freeing.

But let’s be honest, that’s easier said than done. It’s one thing to brush off a stranger’s bad attitude, but what about when it’s someone you actually know—someone whose opinion does matter?

Like, say, your boss, who suddenly decides that your hard work is garbage?

Jake had always respected his boss, but one morning, she stormed into the office and called his recent project a “disaster.” The criticism stung. He had spent weeks on that report, triple-checking every detail. That night, frustrated, he told his friend what happened.

“I don’t get it,” Jake said. “She’s never been this harsh before.”

A week later, he found out why. His boss’s father had passed away, and she had barely slept in days. She wasn’t angry at Jake—she was grieving, overwhelmed, and exhausted.

Let’s be real—sometimes, the criticism is about you. If you’re consistently missing deadlines, turning in sloppy work, or replying to emails with just “k,” then yeah, your boss’s frustration might be earned.

But more often than not, when someone’s reaction feels way out of proportion, there’s something else going on beneath the surface. People carry stress, grief, and frustrations that have nothing to do with you, yet you become the unsuspecting target.

Recognizing the difference can save you a lot of unnecessary stress—and maybe even keep you from rage-quitting a perfectly good job.

Emma loved her morning routine—stopping by her local café, ordering her usual, and exchanging smiles with the barista. But one day, the barista, usually friendly, barely acknowledged her, handing over her coffee without a word. Emma felt a flash of insecurity. Did I do something wrong? she wondered.

That afternoon, she saw the same barista sitting outside on her break, eyes red from crying. It turned out she had just gone through a breakup and was struggling to keep it together at work.

“I’m so sorry if I was off this morning,” she said when Emma approached. “I was just in my head about some things.”

Emma realized that the barista’s mood had nothing to do with her—it was simply a reflection of her own pain.

How much easier would life be if we stopped taking things personally?

As Robert Greene says, “If you take the angle that, ‘I’m not going to get emotionally involved with this,’ it’s incredibly liberating.”

When you stop internalizing their negativity, you free yourself from unnecessary suffering.

So, the next time someone gives you attitude, remember: it’s probably not about you. It’s about them—their stress, their history, their bad morning. 

Protect your peace, take a deep breath, and move on with your day like the emotionally untouchable legend you are.

Toby Moore is a columnist, the star of Emmy-nominated “A Separate Peace,” and the CEO of Cubestream Inc.