Whittling Away: One-stop shopping

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By Dick Brooks

For Capital Region Independent Media

Winter’s just about here. After consulting the two weather experts that I trust—The Old Farmer’s Almanac and the woolly bear caterpillar—I decided it was time to get some snow shoes for Casper the Friendly Kia. 

In fact, after consulting the woolly bear, I’ve decided to cut a few extra cords of wood, bank the house with straw, and get a few more overweight cats to throw on the bed to help out on really cold nights. 

The old timers say the more black on the woolly bear, the colder the winter. I was able to find only one woolly bear and it was totally black, not a good sign. Talking to a friend of mine who also talks to bugs brought out the fact that he had only seen one woolly bear this year and that it was also completely black. 

The dearth of woolly bears can be explained by the fact that most of the local ones can be found near the Thruway entrances holding little signs that say, “Florida” on them. They know!

I drove Casper to the local Walmart. I woke the friendly senior at the door so he could welcome me to the store and proceeded to the tire section. I picked out some stylish tires—it was easy, they only had one size that would work. The very pleasant red vest at the counter told me that it would be a couple of hours due to the influx of woolly bear readers. 

Two hours in a great big store with no female supervision, cool! 

I headed promptly for the tool section, where I eventually purchased a new smoke alarm to replace the one at the head of the stairs. I’ve found that instead of replacing the batteries twice a year, it’s just as cheap to replace the whole thing. A package of two 9-volt batteries was a little over $5, the new smoke alarm with battery was about 50 cents cheaper. If you figure this one out, let me know.

Cruising through the bathroom supply section, I paused to admire myself in one of the mirrors, which reminded me that it was either time for a haircut or a couple of barrettes. I headed for the little room where they keep the clipper ladies. A short wait and I was in the chair being shorn by a pleasant young lady who tried very hard to earn the price of the haircut. 

I still think that follicly-challenged folks should get a discount. To her credit, she didn’t try to comb the hole in the middle of my hair, she applied a little Mop and Glow and buffed it to a satin sheen. Looking good!

On to the men’s department. I found a nice pair of pants and a shirt I liked. On to the music and video section, where I picked up a Simon and Garfunkel CD that I didn’t have. I then added bananas, tissue, and cheese to the cart. A cruise through the pet section added cat food and doggie treats to my growing collection. 

Too soon, my time was up and Casper stood in the parking lot resplendently shod in its new snow boots. I unloaded the now groaning cart into the car, returned the cart and headed for home.  I know some folks complain about Walmart but where else could you get snow tires, a haircut, new clothes, food and music all in the same building.

I returned home, parked Casper and started unloading when the dark gray skies opened and down poured little ice balls which bounced off Casper, the driveway and my newly buffed head.

The wooly bear knew.

Thought for the week — “The world is full of willing people—some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.” ~ Robert Frost

Until next week, may you and yours be happy and well.

Reach columnist Dick Brooks at whittle12124@yahoo.com.

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