Community Calendar

By Pat Larsen

For Capital Region Independent Media

Relationships.

When one lives and works in a small community such as ours, the depth of this subject is bound to surface on occasion. At least that has been my experience, personally, and something often repeated among those individuals that I work with from a therapeutic point of view. 

The word, “relationships,” by itself, can be seen from several different perspectives, as I will attempt to demonstrate in this column.

I saw the word initially in two parts, as you can see by the title of this piece.

“Relation,” by itself, speaks to the way in which people, objects or concepts relate to one another. A familial “relationship” speaks to those connected by blood or marriage and possibly kinship. 

The word “ship” is indeed curious in its attachment to the first, as in “relationship.”

My mind, as we know for those of you who follow me, works mysteriously in the world of metaphors and that’s literally how I see this meaning.

First, let’s start with this concept:

Our external relationships reflect our own internal relationship with ourselves. Your primary relationship is with yourself — ALL others are a mirror of it (bears re-reading, maybe out loud).

So with that in mind, and if you apply this principle to any issues or repeated “relationship” problems that come up, it’s worth taking the time to look at yourself and how you’re reacting from your own vantage point first. 

That is true especially if you’re frustrated and repeating this pattern over and over. True understanding of this concept can sometimes take a cup of tea or something stronger and a sit-down chat with yourself where you explore your own accountability in the matter at hand. 

This is why it’s so important. Far too often, I’m called in to help work with a matter where someone is stuck in an emotional rut. In reviewing the person’s “story” with them, there’s lots of finger pointing on their part, much more stress than anyone needs to carry to be healthy, and then no solutions to the situation. 

“Papering over cracks” or pretending everything is OK doesn’t solve anything except to further bury the issue behind the emotional wall that was created. 

If you look closely at the situation, with me as a guide or by yourself, you begin to exercise the habit of easily seeing problems within yourself or others as messengers and clues to finding lasting solutions to life’s problems. Doesn’t that sound more promising than carrying around a backpack of resentments and ill will?

Before I conclude, because I’m pretty sure I’ve given you enough to think about for now, let’s look at the last half of this word… “ships.”

Here’s the play on words: first, “ships” as in ships passing in the night.

“Ships” as in a vessel that takes sail, perhaps not to return, “ships” that might contain, yes, solutions within. 

Another thing I hear about way too often is that when problems keep continuing to get in the way of our relations, people set sail and move on.

That’s the saddest of relationship issue of all. Relationships take work, they require patience and compassion and kindness. Disputes necessitate courage to resolve, especially with the elder community that struggles with memory and frustrations relating to illness and aging. Pulling up the anchor is heartbreaking and leaving a longstanding relation behind is simply cruel in some cases. 

Learn to accept and grow from bumpy roads. Just as we have to deal, on occasion, with detours and road closures, responding with patience is a gift you give to yourself and your loved one, whoever they might be.

We’ve come to know fear as of late as our default with the circumstances of the past three years. I’m constantly suggesting that we all learn from how that time felt and have the courage to embrace a loving attitude that will help you achieve a life of joy and happiness that you deserve.

Build more solid relationships and you’ll always find happiness.

Pat Larsen is a nationally certified clinical hypnotherapist who specializes in healing through the power of one’s own story. If you or someone you know is seeking help in these areas, call Pat for a complimentary chat to see if she can help in any way. Many do call and find simple solutions that hadn’t been considered before. Don’t hesitate. Fitness programs and classes are taught by Pat for Baby Boomers and seniors, age 50-70 years young, at The Shamrock House in East Durham, mornings. Contact Pat @ 518-275-8686 or by email, pelarsen5@aol.com for more information.