Columbia Memorial Health (1) Careers

Body, Mind & Spirit Connections: The devious Christmas gremlins

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By Pat Larsen

For Capital Region Independent Media

Headshot of a female named Pat Larsen
Pat Larsen

You know who they are. You also know what I’m about to finally reveal openly about these incredibly devious little critters who show up exactly after the last leaf has fallen and the earth begins preparation for the frivolity of the holiday season.

We get all excited and sappy about the season and THEY use this weakness to sneak right in under our noses and take up residence in our homes totally unnoticed… until.

Yup. You have them. Don’t even try to deny that they exist.

They have very different characteristics than their cousins who annoy us earlier in the year with their special ways of hiding in the corners of our homes or our vehicles, for that matter. Mostly those family relations live in the places that you’re too busy to notice. UNTIL…! Oh, you have them alright.

There are no TV commercials boasting “Gremlin Removals Are Us”! Nope. It’s a practically impossible business model to fulfill. And these business folks are as stymied as we are with those gremlins living in their homes.

Oh, these characters are very mysterious indeed.

Quiet.

Eerily invisible until they accomplish their nasty deeds and then they peer at us and laugh silently from around a corner.

No trails left behind that I’ve ever seen like the mice that silently appear at night, leave droppings  and disappear in the mornings. Or the incessant sound of the bats in the roof eaves that scratch away until dawn. No. 

These Christmas gremlins are more of an advanced breed, having graduated with their master’s degree in complete deception and tomfoolery. 

Maybe, just maybe you might’ve had a rare good night’s sleep during the preparation of the holiday season. If so, then maybe you hear something that is just a faint sound out of place or a “tee he he” that has you thinking, “Nah, no one’s up and laughing at this time of night.” Think again.

You just might be closer to uncovering the greatest mystery of all time (besides is there life on Mars?).

OK, let’s get right to it… 357 words into this column.

The Christmas Gremlins are the evil ones who take great pleasure in sneaking that scotch tape off your wrapping station, creating an uncertainty within that belies the potential for you believing you’re going crazy. You’re not.

They especially love stealthily sliding those essentials off the desk that would bring you one step closer to finishing the wrapping… the scissors. Go ahead, grab every single pair of scissors you have in the house. Won’t make any difference. They’ll take every single one and move them around until they disappear into a place you’d never look, like they’re playing their own game of gremlin chess. It’s got to be a thing, you know.

OK, let’s say the Christmas gremlins assigned to your house are on their first test run from the head honcho Gremlin-in-Charge. So, they might show you some mercy. 

Maybe. Instead of hiding the entire sheet of essential gift name tags, they slide all but one tag off the sheet. 

You’re in such a fog anyway, you’ll believe you must’ve miscalculated and out you go to purchase some more.

And we wonder how the dollar stores stay in business. I think they’re in cahoots with the Christmas gremlins. I really do.

I have even experienced a very advanced activity of the elite squad who actually hide gifts, especially if they’re seeking to move up the ranks in their platoon.

You’ll swear that gift was “right there” a minute ago.

Think again. We’re at their mercy right now. Stay vigilant.

It’s us against them. Wishing you a happy holiday despite the challenges.

Pat Larsen resides in Greene County with her husband Chris and pup Lily (who keeps a keen eye out for such behaviors). Contact Pat at 518-275-8686 for more information on classes and programs.

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