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Aging with Grace: Teaching empathy

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By Pat Larsen

For Capital Region Independent Media 

Pat Larsen

Raising kids must have been pretty tough on our parents back in the ‘50s. We were a tough bunch.

Parents faced the difficult issues of enforcing curfews and occasionally finding that kids had been sneaking alcohol in the punch bowl of the church dances. There were strict codes of conduct and unyielding authoritative approaches back then.

These were the frustrations of the day that had our parents shaking their heads and thinking we should be sent to a convent. 

We then became adults and those old parental styles were left behind. These were replaced with unrestricted methods of relaxed discipline that led to the “hippie” days of love and peace. Not exactly a better option.

That was then and now we’re the grandparents and our kids are asking us how to navigate this generation of their kids that have liberties that include technology in a way that seems impossible to reel in.

Today’s kids and the stresses on their parents are beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I’m sure many are shaking their heads as well. What happened?

There’s the obvious issue of technology now coming between today’s teens and adults. Every inch of leniency is now resulting in a foot being taken to do more than permitted as these current teens retreat to their well-stocked rooms.

Now it’s tablets and smart watches and AirPod headphones in every room.

I have a story to share that will exemplify my concerns about the serious divide between the new techno kids and their disconnects to values that showcase behaviors that are considered unacceptable.

After hearing a story about a young female teen who had spilled a drink she was carrying on herself during a school bus trip and the reaction of the other kids, I knew something was very wrong. This resulted in insult giving way to emotional injury when a barrage of phones turned on the situation to record the event rather than the extension of offering a helping hand. 

The first response of the onlookers was to record and post!

It is literally terrifying to imagine. Laughter replaced reaching out to help. Recordings on phones seemed much more important than offering help to right the situation.

As the phones began to record the  event, the kid had to find her own way back to dignify herself by trying to dab the mess away. Feelings of being mortified added more embarrassment and painful feelings to the situation.

I’m sure your heart is feeling the impact of this behavior on this teenager, as mine was.

We are left with the question, where has this current generation’s level of empathy gone?

Empathy  is an ability to understand and share in the feelings of another. How is that being taught?

Kids are not being raised with a sense of empathy for the plight of others. Kids are relishing their victories of having recorded an event as though it were a feather in their cap.

Are stories like this being discussed around the dinner table, allowing for time to contemplate what better reactions might have been available to offer?

In the true spirit of kindness and caring for others, these cold and callous behaviors have to be frowned upon in both school settings and at home.

There’s only one way to shift this narrative to a more positive outcome. Start in your own home.

Make sure that compassion is present and take the time to communicate the  positive effects of having an empathetic, caring reaction to situations like this.

It’s simply a disconnect that truly impacts the effect that phones have on being barriers to others. Cellphones are creating a society of kids that care more about their videos and tag line accumulation of “likes” on Instagram than for the person who’s experienced a  humiliating situation.

Put the phones down and talk to kids as a rule. Practice sessions that involve “what if” this had happened to you have to become part of everyday discussions.

We can turn this around. 

Pat Larsen is a syndicated columnist in Greene and Albany counties. She is mother to three, grandparent to eight. Her book, “Reflections… Anything But An Ordinary Life,” is available on Amazon now and she is enjoying lovely reviews of her work. Please contact Pat at 518-275-8686 to chat.

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