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Aging with Grace: Our ‘children’ by marriage

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By Pat Larsen

For Capital Region Independent Media

Pat Larsen

Honestly, using the suffix, “in-law” was never appealing to me after I was married. I know, I know, it was the common phrase used back in the day to differentiate between who was who.

My preference, after marriage, and especially when my children were then married, was always to describe the newest family member by introducing them as a daughter or son “by marriage.”

Think about it for a second. Your own precious child bringing their beloved spouses into the fold was a pretty big deal.

Their journey and the success of their relationship is often determined by their full inclusion in the family as well as the obvious cultivating and embracing of the newlyweds creating their new family dynamic. 

The use of words “in-laws” were originally referenced to indicate a relationship that was not by “nature” or “bloodline” back in the 14th century. Religious limitations were often at the forefront of these declarations that would forbid marriages between relations that were prohibited due to familial associations, i.e., brothers and sisters, etc.

There were a few other descriptions for those who entered into the family dynamic after marriage to address one as an “in-law” such as kinswoman, relations, lineage of the line, clansman, descendants, pedigree, etc., just to name a few of the 57 other possible considerations.

Getting back to my personal choice to shift the description to what I use now as indicated by the title of this article. When Wild West films depicted the bad guys as outlaws, I recoiled at that phrase being used in reverse to describe my husband as the son “in-law.” 

I was certainly not going to proclaim my newest family members by marriage as the “in-laws” then. It just seemed so contentious.  

All that being said, I’m hoping to start a newer trend. 

Try it on for size… I bet you’ll be met with the same smiles of appreciation that I was by my new family members.

It might open a door to begin a new lasting, meaningful relationship in such a loving way.

Pat Larsen is a syndicated columnist who lives, works and plays in Greene County. As a local fitness instructor, Pat brings classes for seniors and Baby Boomers to The Shamrock House in East Durham, and has also created educational programs to help this age group to Age with Grace several times a year.

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