Whittling Away: Sidekicks

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By Dick Brooks

For Capital Region Independent Media

I was sitting quietly the other day having a pleasant little ponder, something I try to fit into my busy schedule daily. It’s something everyone ought to do more frequently, you know — think about the meaning of life, where you fit in the scheme of things in the universe, death, taxes and government, and whether or not there’s enough kitty litter to last until the weekend. 

Anyway, during this period of deep meditation (which frequently culminates in a nap), the topic that moved to the top of my mental whirlpool was “sidekicks.”

Where did they go? The television set and the movie screen used to be littered with them. We’re not talking partners here or co-stars, they’re equals. Sidekicks were different. Usually in the background, frequently subservient to the main character, they usually weren’t really attractive or well dressed.

Frequently they appeared to be lower on the IQ charts than the horses that appeared on the screen with them. There were horses around because most of the really good sidekicks were to be found in the westerns. Westerns and sidekicks went together like ham and eggs, macaroni and cheese, peanut butter and dill pickles (sorry, personal preference). 

There was Gabby Hayes, who was like the universal sidekick, he was everywhere! Jingles (I never did know his last name) showed up in several movies and TV shows. Pat Brady followed Roy Rogers and Dale around like a hound dog puppy. He had a great jeep named “Nelly Belle,” which was in the Roy Rogers Museum. When he passed away, I think Roy had him stuffed and put in the museum, too. Maybe that was Trigger, it’s hard to keep track of things like that.

One of my personal favorites was Tonto, The Lone Ranger’s faithful Indian companion. Tonto was cool. He was different than the run-of-the-mill sidekick. He was tall, good looking, didn’t limp, had all his teeth, had his own horse with a name (Scout) and at times even appeared to be smarter than the star. Had his mastery of the English language been better, he might even have had his own show.

Lacking the benefit of a good English as a Second Language teacher definitely held him back.  With a good education, he could have gone far, why, he didn’t even know that he was a Native American.

Maybe that was a good thing though, The Lone Ranger and his faithful Native American companion just doesn’t sound right, even though it’s politically correct. His real name was Jay Silverheels, a real Indian on TV and in the movies at a time when most Indians were played by Mediterranean actors.

Like I said, he was cool, had he come along 20 years later, he’d have been a co-star at least. His favorite name for The Lone Ranger was “Kemo Sabe” or something close in spelling. 

“We rest here, Kemo Sabe; Him bad man, Kemo Sabe; silver bullet only work on vampire, Kemo Sabe.” We never found out what “Kemo Sabe” meant. 

Because Tonto was so cool and sometimes had this funny twinkle in his eye, as a kid I thought it would be great if “Kemo Sabe” meant something like “knucklehead” in Tonto’s native tongue and he was getting the last laugh because folks forgot that he was bilingual and The Lone Ranger only spoke English.

Sidekicks have gone the way of the western, maybe someday they’ll both make a comeback.  When that happens, I’ll be ready. Pop out the false teeth, fluff out the hair above my ears, put a rock in my right shoe so I won’t forget to limp, don’t shave for a week or two, work on a high-pitched cackle, slip into my long underwear shirt and worn jeans with my red suspenders and I’ll be good to go. 

Since we’ve already got a history, maybe I’ll call Steven Spielberg and try to talk him into doing a remake of “Happy Trails to You” with Tom Cruise in the role of Roy Rogers and me as Gabby Hayes — or maybe Dale Evans, I’m not fussy. I’d even consider playing “Trigger” if the price was right.

Thought for the week — We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors…. but they all exist very nicely in the same box.

Until next week, may you and yours be happy and well.

Reach columnist Dick Brooks at whittle12124@yahoo.com.

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