Whittling Away: Old friend

By Dick Brooks

For Capital Region Independent Media

I like commercials on television. Some of them are more entertaining than the shows they are liberally sprinkled throughout. 

I will admit that the ones with cute animals or kids are the ones I enjoy the most.

There seem to be more and more medical ones appearing. I like to stay current on cures for ailments that I may or may not contract, but they’re starting to annoy me because they spend 10 seconds or so telling me about the benefits of their product and the rest of the commercial telling me what could happen to me if I take it. 

If I have a headache, I’d like to know that if I take the stuff they’re selling, it will make it go away. I don’t need to know that if I take that product I might have diarrhea, dizziness, rapid heart beat or halitosis. I don’t usually operate heavy machinery but I’d like to if the occasion arises—I may not have the opportunity to do it if I take their product. I think I’d rather keep the headache. 

I know its all part of the “Right to Know” Act but I think I’d less annoyed and concerned if we had a option to choose not to know.

While I’m talking about things that annoy me, there are a few other annoyances I’d like to get off my chest.  I’m a senior citizen and I’m sure that somewhere on my AARP card it says I have the right to be annoyed. Here are a few of the things that make me grumpy. 

I think those people who take their groceries out of the cart and put them into their cars then drive away, leaving the cart blocking a parking space, should be locked in a room full of rabid deer tics. I think I’d make that room large enough to include those inconsiderate folks who take up two parking spaces because they never learned how to park between the lines. 

I don’t like those air dryers in public restrooms or toilets that flush themselves. I’d rather dry my hands on my pants and I find pulling the lever and cleaning up my own mess rather satisfying. 

Telephones should be black, weigh five pounds and have a dial. They should not be permanently attached to the end of an arm and should not take precedence over human interaction. All phones should be collected at the door of churches, theaters and other public meeting places and locked in soundproof boxes, to be collected upon exiting. 

Phones should be for talking, not typing; texting should be limited to five messages per day. Thumb cuffs should be used on anyone exceeding the daily limit. Messages on phones telling me to leave a message should be short and to the point, not long and rambling or cute. If I wanted cute I’d watch one of those commercials with kids or animals. I just want you to know I called. 

Politicians and religious quacks should not be allowed public air time nor should they be able to have access to the services of the post office. I really have no desire to send either any of my hard-earned money. I really don’t like all those calls soliciting funds for charities that I’ve never heard of. The National Association of Homeless Handicapped Hangnail Survivors with Diabetic Cats will just have to wait until next year. 

I have better things to do—a commercial with Minions in it just came on. I think they’re cute.

Thought for the week—A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

Until next week, may you and yours be happy and well.

Reach columnist Dick Brooks at Whittle12124@yahoo.com.