College and Military Corner

By Pat Larsen

For Capital Region Independent Media

Spoiler alert… you’re going to be left in some thoughtful contemplation as you read this. 

Just the concept of this topic put me into a trance of sorts. So that being said, let’s dive in. 

We can spend lots of time validating those starting places where we first uncovered our likes, dislikes and ultimately our loves.

But, in truth, the influences of these choices were often based on the decisions made for us over our lifetime. Then, ultimately, because of the true, “practical and frugal” nature of the Baby Boomer generation, we often just accepted things that were part of our material world with little more thought than a shrug and a smile as we always did before. 

I’ll give you some examples… let’s start with our clothing style.

When I was child, my mom chose my clothing based on her likes and loves. I recall perusing old photos inquiring of my mom as to why I was always dressed in the color green. To this day, I actually never choose green when I’m in charge of making a purchasing decision. I’m a pretty classic dresser with a focus on simple style and mostly that all-American look like you’d see among the pages of the LL Bean catalog.

Full disclosure: On weekdays, it’s fitness wear and sneakers followed by pajamas in the winter season. But, when I go out, my personal style is as I suggested above. Why? Because as an adult, I finally identified what style I really love to wear and how I want to look.

That revelation was somewhat startling and required me to clear out my closet of the years of gently used, perfectly useful clothing that was NOT of my choosing but would come under the category of being a “sin” to donate or throw out.

Are you beginning to understand the direction I’m taking with this topic? Subtle, yet pretty revealing when you take some time to think about it.

Next up, take a moment to think about  your “taste” in food ( another brilliant metaphor) that was most likely influenced as a child by what was served up by Grandma or whoever cooked in the house and the ethnic style that influenced these meals. You probably still love most of that food to this day.

However, now as an adult, you may have explored some new cuisines and fell in love, like me, with a new food that you never knew existed as a kid… like sushi, for example. 

OK, maybe that was a bad example for you, but the point is that you made that subtle shift to identifying foods that you might love now by trial and error perhaps, or by taking that leap of faith that you wouldn’t be expected to clean your plate if this choice went bad.

After decades of letting others influence us for various reasons, the news media, magazines, our parents, friends, workmates, etc., I’m asking you now to take the time as a grown up to rethink the concept of being able to identify what you actually LOVE.

Here’s a fun exercise with a focus on something that takes just a little effort. Plan an excursion to go “browsing” somewhere you’ve been meaning to shop at and just simply identify what it is you actually love. Focus your thoughts on just yourself!  No cheating here — not the kids, not your friend’s birthday coming up, just you. You’ll know what you love the instant you see it because no one else will come to mind . What a lovely gift of true personal accomplishment this could be.

There’s no need to break the bank. Or even to make a purchase on this day. Just browse. Just have fun. When the clerk asks you if you need some help, just think to yourself or share for that matter: “I’m trying to finally figure out, (if money were no object, and you had totally lost your mind and dumped the contents of your home or closet  on the sidewalk) what it is you’d choose just for yourself?”

Try this, perhaps — when going out to have a bite to eat, order a new item from the appetizer section. Allow yourself to be surprised and delighted. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll have a change of heart and open up to new possibilities. Don’t like what you selected? No harm done. You’re in a brand-new mode of personal choices for yourself like never before.

Go through your closet with a much more critical eye and see if you can begin to narrow down your personal style and make a plan to eliminate items that just don’t make that “LOVE” list over time.

Now here’s the interesting part two of this concept. Imagine how significant this idea is for you and then you’ll begin to realize that when you offer your  gently used old stuff to your kids or a friend, they often respond with a kind but clear, “no, thank you.” But it’s a perfectly good blazer or practically new pocketbook, you insist… but no matter, there are no “takers.” You might even recall a holiday purchase that you made as a gift for someone that you never saw worn or used and you now realize that you might’ve been foisting your own style on them.

We are resigned to a defeat of sorts but here’s what we didn’t actually recognize… it’s OK to just say “no, thank you.” Even for us. The reason behind this is that we were taught to accept rather than decline. But now, these “up and coming generations” have already started identifying their “loves” and our stuff, regardless of how good a condition the toaster oven is in or that old red wool sweater looks, they aren’t interested. Mercy me! The rejection is palpable sometimes. You know exactly what I’m talking about. 

The same goes for that old charm bracelet from First Holy Communion days, even if it’s 14-karat gold. 

So many Baby Boomers are heartbroken when their jewelry is rejected, but just remember it’s about reaching that point as an adult where you identify what you love and our old stuff didn’t make “their” list in many cases. 

So make this the year to ask yourself the question as the grown-up that you are now — what is it that you truly love? Trust the answers that come and celebrate that you are finally counting your desires first and foremost among the decisions you make. It’s going to leave you feeling very good, trust me on this.

While enjoying that feeling, it’ll be easier to accept that everyone deserves that choice as well.

Pat Larsen lives, works and plays in Greene County. She is a fitness instructor bringing classes for Baby Boomers at The Shamrock House in East Durham, weekly. She is a syndicated columnist for most local publications.